.. and so, without further ado, here they are:


Thanks to autocorrect, 1 in 5 children will be getting a visit from Satan this Christmas.


Upload to CloudI love pressing F5 – it’s so refreshing.


How many quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it and one to not change it.


Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labour.


I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation into full-duplex mode.


Fudge functionA doctor, a civil engineer and a computer programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
“Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor, “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I don’t know what it is”.
The civil engineer breaks in:
“But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering”.
The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
“And who do you think created chaos?”


The guy who invented predictive text died last night. – his funfair is next monkey.


Mouse has movedThe guy who invented auto-correct died today – restaurant in peace.


What do you call an iPhone that isn’t joking? Sirious.


Black coffeeThe closest I’ve ever been to a diet is erasing food searches from my browser history.


Behind every successful student there is a deactivated Facebook account.


Man: Siri, call my wife.
Siri: Susan McNaughton is not in your contacts.
Man: Susan Jameson is my wife.
Siri: I’ve added Susan Jameson as your wife.
Man: Call my wife.
Siri: Which wife?


What do Facebook employees do to waste their time at work?


Toe tagSomeone guessed my password. Now I suppose I had better rename the cat.


Algorithm (noun): word used by computer programmers when they can’t be bothered trying to explain what they do


Waiting for a bus one cold morning, the woman next to me mentioned that she makes a lot of mistakes when texting in the cold. As an IT Consultant, I know a case of typothermia when I see one.


moving to cloudCan 3D printers make ink cartridges for 2D printers?


Previous years’ grand thefts of other people’s jokes can be found at:

2016 – And yet more IT jokes
2015 – IT jokes again
2014 – More IT jokes
2013 – IT jokes

© 2011-2017 David Leonard
Computer Support in London
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